Gomtimgem Hothignel is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, tranquil walrus.

Gomtimgem Hothignel created water five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gomtimgem Hothignel, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Gomtimgem Hothignel, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Gomtimgem Hothignel's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Gomtimgem Hothignel's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine hamsters approach from the north.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Gomtimgem Hothignel.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about solid mechanics near great tits while wearing blue tights.