Artjapdap is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, thoughtless raccoon.

Artjapdap created Asia six million years ago.

If you believe in Artjapdap, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Artjapdap, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Artjapdap's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Artjapdap's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never talk about galaxies.

4. Always help porpoises in need.

5. Learn five new languages a year.