Hugdonsan Libzigbiggubbep is a god.

She takes the form of a large, merciless aardvark.

Hugdonsan Libzigbiggubbep created Europe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hugdonsan Libzigbiggubbep, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hugdonsan Libzigbiggubbep, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hugdonsan Libzigbiggubbep's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Hugdonsan Libzigbiggubbep's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near dogs while wearing magenta kilts and balancing three gold spheres on your legs.

2. Feed all hungry tortoises.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Hide if six rats approach from the west.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.