Fetcepgum is a god.

It takes the form of a large, grumpy armadillo.

Fetcepgum created an up quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fetcepgum, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Fetcepgum, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Fetcepgum's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Fetcepgum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Hide if three squirrels approach from the east.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never skip in holy places.

5. Do not covet oxen.