Stikomtlam Volken is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, moody finch.

Stikomtlam Volken created bats nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stikomtlam Volken, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Stikomtlam Volken, it will torture you forever.

Stikomtlam Volken's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Stikomtlam Volken's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Stikomtlam Volken on top of all buildings.

2. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Retreat if eight swans approach from the south.

4. You must pray to Stikomtlam Volken six times a day.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.