Flapbognutt is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, humorless turtle.

Flapbognutt created oxygen five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flapbognutt, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Flapbognutt, she will send you a sign.

Flapbognutt's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Flapbognutt's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always help hamsters in need.

5. Never write about amino acids.