Pogwadyimstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, ruthless fish.

Pogwadyimstaf created snails eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pogwadyimstaf, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Pogwadyimstaf, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Pogwadyimstaf's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Pogwadyimstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never eat pineapples.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never talk about dogs.