Ripzen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, unselfish eagle.

Ripzen created oxygen two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ripzen, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Ripzen, she will turn you into a slug.

Ripzen's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Ripzen's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never wear shirts.

3. Never talk about monkeys.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always help sharks.