Tomnillik Flatfatteen is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, sapient snail.

Tomnillik Flatfatteen created the Cigar Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tomnillik Flatfatteen, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tomnillik Flatfatteen, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Tomnillik Flatfatteen's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Tomnillik Flatfatteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about eukaryotes.

2. Tomnillik Flatfatteen loves eagles, so they must be respected.

3. Never hurt porpoises.

4. You must love Tomnillik Flatfatteen.

5. Do not hop in public.