Nakgamvag is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, merciful hippopotamus.

Nakgamvag created the planet Mars nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nakgamvag, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Nakgamvag, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Nakgamvag's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Nakgamvag's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in the presence of geese.

2. Erect a large lead sculpture of Nakgamvag on top of all buildings.

3. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never write about the strong nuclear force.