Hanhimlap is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, narcissistic narwhal.

Hanhimlap created water six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hanhimlap, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hanhimlap, she will jump up and down on your head.

Hanhimlap's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Hanhimlap's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Hanhimlap's priests.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help sharks in need.