Funkikfud Jamgodced is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, slow hummingbird.

Funkikfud Jamgodced created matter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Funkikfud Jamgodced, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Funkikfud Jamgodced, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Funkikfud Jamgodced's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Funkikfud Jamgodced's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large tin sculpture of Funkikfud Jamgodced on top of all buildings.

2. Never feed lots of apples to horses while wearing pink boots.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Funkikfud Jamgodced.

4. Do not eat tomatoes.

5. Put Funkikfud Jamgodced first in all things.