Omintadhim is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, slow goat.

Omintadhim created bats nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Omintadhim, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Omintadhim, it will turn you into a mole.

Omintadhim's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Omintadhim's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from indigo tortoises, for they are unholy.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Omintadhim.

4. Never think about optics.

5. Never write about the strong nuclear force.