Ortmisrut is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, witless salamander.

Ortmisrut created the cosmos seven million years ago.

If you believe in Ortmisrut, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Ortmisrut, he will turn you into a mole.

Ortmisrut's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Ortmisrut's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always obey Ortmisrut's priests.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Ortmisrut.

4. Always help sick pigs.

5. Retreat if seven otters approach from the south.