Futdabpad is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, proud hamster.

Futdabpad created the planet Jupiter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futdabpad, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Futdabpad, he will turn you into a goat.

Futdabpad's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Futdabpad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

2. Do not dye your hair mauve.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never wear stockings.

5. Never think about dark energy near aardvarks while wearing magenta tights and balancing six silver spheres on your feet.