Nellponlak is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, competent toad.

Nellponlak created the Small Magellanic Cloud five million years ago.

If you believe in Nellponlak, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Nellponlak, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Nellponlak's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Nellponlak's Holy Commandments

1. Nellponlak must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never feed beans to snails while wearing white stockings.

3. Always wear red.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Retreat if eight rats approach from the west.