Labtapnan Fathenkamnul is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, flying warg.

Labtapnan Fathenkamnul created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Labtapnan Fathenkamnul, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Labtapnan Fathenkamnul, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Labtapnan Fathenkamnul's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Labtapnan Fathenkamnul's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.

2. Never feed rice to seals while wearing fawn coats.

3. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Labtapnan Fathenkamnul in the centre of the settlement.

4. Run away if four capybaras approach from the east.

5. Do not chant in public.