Larnpidteen is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, two-faced crane.

Larnpidteen created a down quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Larnpidteen, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Larnpidteen, it will turn you into a rat.

Larnpidteen's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Larnpidteen's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Retreat if six dogs approach from the south.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate frogs.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Larnpidteen.