Gepparkhin is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, proud wombat.

Gepparkhin created Africa six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gepparkhin, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gepparkhin, she will turn you into a puffin.

Gepparkhin's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Gepparkhin's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mice.

2. Do not take Gepparkhin's name in vain.

3. Never go into blue rooms.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never mention whales.