Badmetveen is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, smart jaguar.

Badmetveen created everything that exists four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Badmetveen, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Badmetveen, he will turn you into a sheep.

Badmetveen's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Badmetveen's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Hide from blue capybaras for they are unholy.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.