Laknadflap is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, stupid badger.

Laknadflap created carbon eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Laknadflap, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Laknadflap, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Laknadflap's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Laknadflap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not run in public.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Laknadflap on top of all buildings.

4. Never talk about comets.

5. Retreat if three badgers approach from the east.