Jadxucflab is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, overgenerous hyena.

Jadxucflab created a quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jadxucflab, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jadxucflab, it will turn you into a tree.

Jadxucflab's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Jadxucflab's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jadxucflab.

2. Always wear blue.

3. Never talk about dark matter.

4. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.

5. Respect your elders.