Kapgatbam is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, tranquil centaur.

Kapgatbam created an electron eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kapgatbam, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kapgatbam, he will jump up and down on your head.

Kapgatbam's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Kapgatbam's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always look after injured otters.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never think about gravity near monkeys while wearing pink rings and balancing four zinc spheres on your head.