Podquatvig Nullipbepnan is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, compassionate bat.

Podquatvig Nullipbepnan created a quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Podquatvig Nullipbepnan, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Podquatvig Nullipbepnan, he will turn you into a puffin.

Podquatvig Nullipbepnan's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Podquatvig Nullipbepnan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about hamsters.

2. Podquatvig Nullipbepnan must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never think ill of sick goats.

4. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

5. Never talk about dark energy.