Bessgetyar Nutpangquimmin is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, confident lion.

Bessgetyar Nutpangquimmin created a photon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessgetyar Nutpangquimmin, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bessgetyar Nutpangquimmin, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bessgetyar Nutpangquimmin's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Bessgetyar Nutpangquimmin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat garlic.

2. Do not speak about peas.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bessgetyar Nutpangquimmin.

5. Do not wear gold on your body.