Hapsidjen is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, boastful otter.

Hapsidjen created viruses four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapsidjen, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Hapsidjen, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Hapsidjen's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Hapsidjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Ducks are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Hapsidjen on top of all buildings.

4. Never write about stars.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.