Honpopban is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, irritating gorilla.

Honpopban created the universe four billion years ago.

If you believe in Honpopban, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Honpopban, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Honpopban's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Honpopban's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear indigo hats.

2. Never think about gravity near whales while wearing brown rings and balancing four nickel spheres on your face.

3. You must love Honpopban.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.