Hugvegpoptonk is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unsympathetic goblin.

Hugvegpoptonk created an electron six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hugvegpoptonk, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hugvegpoptonk, she will not care at all.

Hugvegpoptonk's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Hugvegpoptonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about peas.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not cook food in pots.