Yamtunquaf is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, two-faced spider.

Yamtunquaf created the planet Mars nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yamtunquaf, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Yamtunquaf, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Yamtunquaf's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Yamtunquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into magenta rooms.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always help shrews in need.

4. Never think about fluid mechanics near tortoises while wearing pink trousers and balancing three silver spheres on your legs.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.