Japnilquart is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, all-knowing seal.

Japnilquart created Africa nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Japnilquart, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Japnilquart, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Japnilquart's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Japnilquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark matter.

2. Never talk about spacetime near great tits while wearing yellow tights and balancing four gold spheres on your feet.

3. Never write about moons.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. You must pray to Japnilquart three times a day.