Zogfomwot is a god.

It takes the form of a large, strong narwhal.

Zogfomwot created life seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zogfomwot, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Zogfomwot, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Zogfomwot's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Zogfomwot's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Never hurt mites.

3. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

4. Never feed rice to sharks while wearing shoes.

5. Never write about dwarf planets.