Zakdubhig is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, awe-inspiring tortoise.

Zakdubhig created a charm quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Zakdubhig, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zakdubhig, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Zakdubhig's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Zakdubhig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat rice.

2. Do not take Zakdubhig's name in vain.

3. Ducks are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never wear orange shoes.

5. You must pray to Zakdubhig nine times a day.