Tapcitgut is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, humorless deer.

Tapcitgut created humankind four million years ago.

If you believe in Tapcitgut, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tapcitgut, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tapcitgut's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Tapcitgut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear blue clothing.

2. Never paint your arms black.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Tapcitgut.

4. Never write about quantum mechanics.

5. Never think about dark energy near gulls while wearing violet ear rings and balancing four silicon spheres on your feet.