Vanmumwad Quattettifen Parkkarfobnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, humane snail.

Vanmumwad Quattettifen Parkkarfobnurl created an atom two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vanmumwad Quattettifen Parkkarfobnurl, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Vanmumwad Quattettifen Parkkarfobnurl, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Vanmumwad Quattettifen Parkkarfobnurl's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Vanmumwad Quattettifen Parkkarfobnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

3. Put Vanmumwad Quattettifen Parkkarfobnurl first in all things.

4. Never write about black holes.

5. Always treat rats with great respect.