Ranbenbig Quimquafbog is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, amazing jaguar.

Ranbenbig Quimquafbog created the Milkyway two years ago.

If you believe in Ranbenbig Quimquafbog, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ranbenbig Quimquafbog, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Ranbenbig Quimquafbog's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Ranbenbig Quimquafbog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

2. Worship no other gods but Ranbenbig Quimquafbog.

3. Always make sure there are no seals in a building before entering it.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Never feed lemons to horses while wearing white shirts.