Lagbenzanyamyarp is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, humorless grasshopper.

Lagbenzanyamyarp created a Higgs boson eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lagbenzanyamyarp, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lagbenzanyamyarp, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Lagbenzanyamyarp's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Lagbenzanyamyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about moons.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never eat parsnips.

4. Never think ill of sick rats.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.