Loopgatjam is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, quiet cat.

Loopgatjam created the cosmos eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopgatjam, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Loopgatjam, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Loopgatjam's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Loopgatjam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about lentils.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Loopgatjam.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near foxes while wearing violet boots and balancing six silicon spheres on your feet.

4. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a building before entering it.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.