Ontlagstig is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, overgenerous rat.

Ontlagstig created the Cigar Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Ontlagstig, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ontlagstig, she will turn you into a rock.

Ontlagstig's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Ontlagstig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three aluminium sculptures of Ontlagstig on top of important buildings.

2. Never feed apples to ants while wearing violet rings.

3. Worship no other gods but Ontlagstig.

4. Always obey Ontlagstig's priests.

5. Never talk about fire.