Nadgad Gepfarkam is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, impressive beaver.

Nadgad Gepfarkam created the Sun five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nadgad Gepfarkam, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Nadgad Gepfarkam, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Nadgad Gepfarkam's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Nadgad Gepfarkam's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at galaxies.

2. Run away if four tortoises approach from the north.

3. Never talk about dwarf planets.

4. Never talk about spacetime near eagles while wearing turquoise stockings and balancing eight zinc spheres on your neck.

5. Always help sick goats.