Kablagnartbaf Lamzangon is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, thoughtless crab.

Kablagnartbaf Lamzangon created a strange quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kablagnartbaf Lamzangon, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Kablagnartbaf Lamzangon, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Kablagnartbaf Lamzangon's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Kablagnartbaf Lamzangon's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Kablagnartbaf Lamzangon.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Hide if eight snakes approach from the west.

5. Always obey Kablagnartbaf Lamzangon's priests.