Barngessfud is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, duplicitous squirrel.

Barngessfud created Europe four million years ago.

If you believe in Barngessfud, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Barngessfud, he will have a low opinion of you.

Barngessfud's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Barngessfud's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Respect your elders.