Motcussfubzag is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, merciful gerbil.

Motcussfubzag created humankind two billion years ago.

If you believe in Motcussfubzag, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Motcussfubzag, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Motcussfubzag's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Motcussfubzag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed grapes to pigs while wearing turquoise dresses.

2. Do not wear orange clothing.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never talk about optics.

5. Hide if five seals approach from the west.