Xemflowkom Kaptoncip is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, happy hedgehog.

Xemflowkom Kaptoncip created bats seven million years ago.

If you believe in Xemflowkom Kaptoncip, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Xemflowkom Kaptoncip, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Xemflowkom Kaptoncip's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Xemflowkom Kaptoncip's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. Never eat gooseberries.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never wear shirts.

5. Run away if nine voles approach from the east.