Ranfetjamkim is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, impressive dryad.

Ranfetjamkim created light three billion years ago.

If you believe in Ranfetjamkim, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ranfetjamkim, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Ranfetjamkim's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Ranfetjamkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Ranfetjamkim.

3. Never feed apples to snakes while wearing ear rings.

4. Never laugh near dolphins.

5. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.