Gadort is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, pitiless hippopotamus.

Gadort created life six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gadort, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gadort, she will jump up and down on your head.

Gadort's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Gadort's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Gadort three times a day.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Snails are not to be trusted.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Worship no other gods but Gadort.