Stafcitjen is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, benevolent lizard.

Stafcitjen created Africa five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafcitjen, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Stafcitjen, she will have a low opinion of you.

Stafcitjen's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Stafcitjen's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never leap near whales.

3. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

4. Never talk about electromagnetism near dogs while wearing magenta stockings.

5. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.