Stafwapcub is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, overgenerous cat.

Stafwapcub created a top quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Stafwapcub, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Stafwapcub, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Stafwapcub's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Stafwapcub's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at nebulae.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never think about bacteria.

4. Always make sure there are no mites in a room before entering it.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.