Titsandlat is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, all-powerful snake.

Titsandlat created the cosmos eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titsandlat, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Titsandlat, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Titsandlat's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Titsandlat's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt dogs.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Titsandlat on top of all buildings.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.