Vonkominwip is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, dishonourable walrus.

Vonkominwip created a down quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkominwip, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Vonkominwip, he will cry a lot.

Vonkominwip's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Vonkominwip's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Hide if nine foxes approach from the west.

4. Never sing in holy places.

5. Do not wear zinc on your body.