Tapfenhat is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, narcissistic raccoon.

Tapfenhat created a down quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapfenhat, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tapfenhat, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Tapfenhat's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Tapfenhat's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never talk about nebulae.

3. Do not take Tapfenhat's name in vain.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Put Tapfenhat first in all things.